This season, filled with expectations, also serves as a constant reminder of all sorts of unmet expectations. I've usually found the holidays to be more on the depressing side than the uplifting. But, in the last year or so, I've made a conscious choice to stop worrying so much about what went wrong in the past and about what can never be changed, and have tried instead to live for now. Part of the reason for this has to do with some serious family health issues, some close calls, which have made me re-evaluate what really is important.

This new posture has really helped me a lot to move forward, and away from a low level depression which has been poking at the edges of my psyche for the past few years. Still, it always takes me a while to get fully into the spirit of the season. But, the last couple of days have helped.

Yesterday, I had to make a web page for the family Secret Santa lists. All that red and green started to get me in the mood, so I just decided to use the design to replace my regular page today and maybe for the rest of the month. Hope you're eyeballs aren't bouncing. (edited 12/15 to say that I removed the red background because it was just too jarring!)

Today I worked on my silly project/gift concept some more and that got me enthused.

Then we went out this evening to return something and get some dinner.Flakes of the first snow had started to fall as we were driving, and by the time we were through with the errand and with eating, it was looking like it could only get worse. So, since we were already out, we decided to take advantage of the time to go up to another shopping center to pick up a couple of things for Christmas.

I guess I must be an easy sell because seeing the decorations and hearing the familiar, if trite, music is enough to get me caught up in the seasonal concept. Can't mention what we bought, but, fortunately, everything we wanted was on sale, so that's always a plus, too!

By the time we headed home, there was more snow building up, a mist just beginning to dust and drift, and beginning to muffle the city sounds. The radio had some Christmas special with some very good folk musicians. Tree lights twinkled on trees stacked one above the other in the front windows of apartment buildings. Snow drifted into a perfect curved pattern in the lower right hand corners of the small counterpane windows on the Swedish restaurant, where people inside were most likely celebrating Santa Lucia Day. All together providing a little picture of a perfect pre Christmas city evening.

All together allowing me to be totally in the moment.

I think I'm ready for the holidays now.