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2003-2005

2000-2002

A Conversation

Sunday, I was talking with a couple, friends of mine who are older, in their seventies. Up until now they have been completely uninterested in computers or the Internet. They have never seen a need for it, and computers are somewhat intimidating to them. To give an example of how removed they are, they recently asked us, "What does it mean to 'Google' something?"

More and more though, she has been making noises about getting a computer.

"So," he asks, "why do you need one anyhow? It's just going to take up room, and you'll never use it."

She says maybe she'd like to e-mail our mutual friend who is moving away.

He asks, "Why not just write letters? People appreciate a handwritten note, and knowing that you took the time to write. It's more intimate anyhow, much more personal. A computer is just a waste of time. Who do you write now anyway?"

She says, " I write the grand kids sometimes."

"When?" He asks, in a slight mocking tone.

"Well, I have occasionally written them letters," she answers, slightly defensively.

"Did they write you back?" he asks.

"Well, no not really, but they're more used to e-mail, it's faster, and with e-mail maybe..."

"Oh, sure..." he snorts

He's holding on to his old attitude like it was a security blanket, and he's only willing to see the world through the narrow slit of his own experience. I suspect it's been kind of a pattern in their relationship, too...her often willing to try something new, and him stuck firmly in the old familiar past.

Fear of the unknown keeps him from even wanting to try something which could expand his experience and provide a wider view. Of course I also think he's really afraid he won't be able to learn to use a computer, but that she will. So, there's also performance anxiety involved. Since he can't think about expanding his world, he figures he'd better just try to reign her in and keep her world narrow, too.

Finally, I say to them, " Well, you have to look at it as an added tool. It takes nothing away, it just expands your options for communication. It doesn't eliminate the possibility of the handwritten communication. It's just a new tool allowing for a more immediate connection. And you can learn to use it. My Dad is 85, and he and his 85 year old wife both do just fine."

He shut up because, really, what can you say to that?

Because of his fear he is still going to continue to make every argument to try to suppress her interest, but she is a strong woman and ultimately she will not be thwarted. I doubt she will ever regret opening herself up to the broader possibilities of viewing the world through this much larger and more interesting window.

Meanwhile he'll still always have his handy dandy little fountain pen.