18.SEPT.00
Recital
At quarter
to twelve, there's no hope of my getting this entry up before midnight.
Let's just pretend that I live on the west coast, OK?
I was hoping
to put up an entry which was a little more positive than the past two.
Doom and gloom gets really old.
Let's see,
I know some good things must have happened this past weekend.
Saturday
we went to a "quasi" piano recital by my 10 year old grand daughter.
I say "quasi" because, for various, probably preventable, reasons she
missed her real recital, and she felt really bad about it. So her Dad,
my son, decided he would host a special one for her. She has been playing
a little more than a year, and she is pretty good. More importantly
she really likes it.
I remember
playing the piano when I was little, I enjoyed it but I did not love
it, and I did not choose to practice. She does choose to practice and
she even makes up her own tunes sometimes. So I think she likes it more
than I ever did. Someone commented this weekend that they had asked
her if she wanted to be a musician when she grew up, and she had answered
"No, I want to be a scientist." I'm glad about that too.
Atlhough,
technically, my son hosted it, it was held at my ex-husband's and his
wife's house. That was interesting, not entirely comfortable for me,
but interesting.
Because
the kids are adults there are events which we all end up attending and
we often actually end up chatting. After 26 years, I have gotten to
the point, where I sometimes entertain the thought of having more traditional
family holidays which include the ex's family and all. It would simplify
some things. It always seems like a good idea for a short time, and
then I come to my senses. The funny thing is that I never really do
think about the good parts of that marriage, I can only focus on the
bad. I remember hurt and anger and real bitterness. Because of issues
of trust, I find that I become really wary about being friendly, as
there is always the chance that he might turn on me. I don't think I
will ever get over that feeling, as much as I think I ought to. Self
protection always wins.
All and
all, though, this event was OK. I was there for my granddaughter and
there were plenty of other people to talk to. She did a nice job, and
had a good stage presence. Musician or scientist ...hmmmm...I don't
know what I wish for her. Really I do...I wish her the opportunity to
explore her full potential and to make informed decisions and to be
able to feel satisfied herself with her performance in whatever it is
she chooses. What the heck, she can always be both a scientist and a
musician, a la Einstein, right?
No matter
what, Izzy, be for yourself, don't "be" for someone else. And never
forget, your "Gramma-Nut" will always love you!