30.JAN.01 - Getting Connected: Part II

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Getting Connected: Part II

30.JAN.01

30.JAN.01

I popped the new URL into my browser. I was hooked again!
It was billed as a feminist site, a place where women could meet and support each other. For almost two years, participating there was interesting and enjoyable. The interaction was good. Giving and receiving support was helpful. There was a general sense of camaraderie and belonging. There was also the occasional opportunity for vigorous political, moral or religious debate with intelligent people, which I enjoyed. There was a lot of potential for community. There was a lot that was good about it.
For a while, at least...
But nothing lasts forever, and slowly, many of the more interesting people started to leave. Over time, more and more people whose ideas and interests were very different from mine dropped by and set up their tents.
Then a private conflict with someone arose. I felt betrayed by another person. The same person who created the initial conflict took on an additional screen persona, and new issues of duplicity and trust arose. The behavior, the posturing, and the interaction around these issues caused me to reevaluate my judgment about some people online. I started to question my continued participation at that web site.
This medium lends an importance to online friendships which is a little out of proportion to reality. Being in constant communication fosters a false sense of intimacy and intensity because people share more quickly and sometimes more openly. We think we know them better than we actually do. It's easy to misinterpret things, and sometimes we expect a lot more of a person or from a relationship than is actually there.
During the five or six years I'd been on line, I had encountered a lot of weird people, some of whom I had to "handle" in my "job" on AOL. I really thought I was smart enough to know the difference between the sane and the not sane; and I thought I knew how to avoid the loonies. Now I will always wonder if I am or ever was talking to normal people online.
~~~~~~~
The more conservative, more religious population continued to increase at the site, and the feminist, liberal population continued to decrease. It became tougher and tougher for me to maintain a sense of belonging or acceptance, let alone to maintain my composure as I found myself drowning in a deepening sea of boring discussions, cyber hugs and religious platitudes. There were some very narrow right wing attitudes expressed about other issues, as well. If I came across many of these types of people in real life, I probably wouldn't be hanging around, and socializing with them. I'd be making for the exits.
So, maybe I should have left right then, but no....not me.
I view right wing conservatives and zealots who attempt to make their own religious views part of public policy as a threat to my way of life. I don't see why their propaganda should always go unchallenged just to "keep the peace." My opinions also count for something. Why shouldn't others be exposed to them? When challenged, the right is quick to shout intolerance, but they are really the intolerant ones. Liberals often tend to worry too much about being liberal and being fair, and not enough about defending themselves and their viewpoints. Conservatives play on this, and use it to manipulate us.
But I don't keep my opinions to myself very well. I admit I have a big mouth, and I got into some heated discussions with some of those folks over evolution vs. creationism, and some other things, and did not let blanket assertions with no basis in fact go unchallenged. I confess it got to the point where I found myself sometimes arguing just for the sake of arguing, because I got so annoyed. I have no doubt that I alienated a whole host of folks.
Sysops of the site did not express opinions because "as hosts they did not want to alienate anyone." Hey, it's their site and their right! But, I lost a lot of respect for them for not speaking up and particularly for one of them for not taking any stand on certain issues, preferring to aim to please and appease everyone. If you can't stand up for what you believe in on your own web site, what's the point? Attempts to avoid any sort of controversy only led to more of the bland and insipid. Entropy set in and the site found its lowest level.
Some people find such a "Group Bleat"™ comforting and non-threatening, but I found it *b-o-r-i-n-g.* Even the controversies became boring. I suppose I'm just a curmudgeon, and that my tolerance is low. Or, I'm an intellectual snob. Or, I outgrew it. I became embarrassed to mention the site to friends anymore. I'm not even going to link to it here.
From my long experience online, I do know there is a strong need for women to converse with each other, a good community, someplace safe to connect. So, I guess the site still serves that purpose to some degree, no matter who populates it. If it's not a place for me at this time, it is working for the people who are there. Maybe that's all one can expect and maybe it's enough for them.
To be fair, I suppose there may be a natural ebb and flow to sites like that, and a variety of people with wider interests may come and go over time. I suppose it could turn around again soon and become become more vital, varied and interesting to someone like me. The potential was there. I did connect with a few really great women in that forum and I am grateful for their friendship. There are still a handful of interesting women left who participate on and off. For the sake of the site, I hope it's just going through a phase.
Either old habits die hard, or else I'm a glutton for punishment, so I still read, and I even post there occasionally, when I just cannot control my fingers. But, I have to face the truth, and accept that it's not for me. I regret the loss, and I know I have to grieve for that loss, strange as it sounds.
~~~~~~~
As I moved away from that site, looking for something different, I discovered the online journaling community through a link at Salon magazine. After reading online journals for a while, I made my own.

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I popped the new URL into my browser. I was hooked again!

It was billed as a feminist site, a place where women could meet and support each other. For almost two years, participating there was interesting and enjoyable. The interaction was good. Giving and receiving support was helpful. There was a general sense of camaraderie and belonging. There was also the occasional opportunity for vigorous political, moral or religious debate with intelligent people, which I enjoyed. There was a lot of potential for community. There was a lot that was good about it.

For a while, at least...

But nothing lasts forever, and slowly, many of the more interesting people started to leave. Over time, more and more people whose ideas and interests were very different from mine dropped by and set up their tents.

Then a private conflict with someone arose. I felt betrayed by another person. The same person who created the initial conflict took on an additional screen persona, and new issues of duplicity and trust arose. The behavior, the posturing, and the interaction around these issues caused me to reevaluate my judgment about some people online. I started to question my continued participation at that web site.

This medium lends an importance to online friendships which is a little out of proportion to reality. Being in constant communication fosters a false sense of intimacy and intensity because people share more quickly and sometimes more openly. We think we know them better than we actually do. It's easy to misinterpret things, and sometimes we expect a lot more of a person or from a relationship than is actually there.

During the five or six years I'd been on line, I had encountered a lot of weird people, some of whom I had to "handle" in my "job" on AOL. I really thought I was smart enough to know the difference between the sane and the not sane; and I thought I knew how to avoid the loonies. Now I will always wonder if I am or ever was talking to normal people online.

~~~~~~~

The more conservative, more religious population continued to increase at the site, and the feminist, liberal population continued to decrease. It became tougher and tougher for me to maintain a sense of belonging or acceptance, let alone to maintain my composure as I found myself drowning in a deepening sea of boring discussions, cyber hugs and religious platitudes. There were some very narrow right wing attitudes expressed about other issues, as well. If I came across many of these types of people in real life, I probably wouldn't be hanging around, and socializing with them. I'd be making for the exits.

So, maybe I should have left right then, but no....not me.

I view right wing conservatives and zealots who attempt to make their own religious views part of public policy as a threat to my way of life. I don't see why their propaganda should always go unchallenged just to "keep the peace." My opinions also count for something. Why shouldn't others be exposed to them? When challenged, the right is quick to shout intolerance, but they are really the intolerant ones. Liberals often tend to worry too much about being liberal and being fair, and not enough about defending themselves and their viewpoints. Conservatives play on this, and use it to manipulate us.

But I don't keep my opinions to myself very well. I admit I have a big mouth, and I got into some heated discussions with some of those folks over evolution vs. creationism, and some other things, and did not let blanket assertions with no basis in fact go unchallenged. I confess it got to the point where I found myself sometimes arguing just for the sake of arguing, because I got so annoyed. I have no doubt that I alienated a whole host of folks.

Sysops of the site did not express opinions because "as hosts they did not want to alienate anyone." Hey, it's their site and their right! But, I lost a lot of respect for them for not speaking up and particularly for one of them for not taking any stand on certain issues, preferring to aim to please and appease everyone. If you can't stand up for what you believe in on your own web site, what's the point? Attempts to avoid any sort of controversy only led to more of the bland and insipid. Entropy set in and the site found its lowest level.

Some people find such a "Group Bleat"™ comforting and non-threatening, but I found it *b-o-r-i-n-g.* Even the controversies became boring. I suppose I'm just a curmudgeon, and that my tolerance is low. Or, I'm an intellectual snob. Or, I outgrew it. I became embarrassed to mention the site to friends anymore. I'm not even going to link to it here.

From my long experience online, I do know there is a strong need for women to converse with each other, a good community, someplace safe to connect. So, I guess the site still serves that purpose to some degree, no matter who populates it. If it's not a place for me at this time, it is working for the people who are there. Maybe that's all one can expect and maybe it's enough for them.

To be fair, I suppose there may be a natural ebb and flow to sites like that, and a variety of people with wider interests may come and go over time. I suppose it could turn around again soon and become become more vital, varied and interesting to someone like me. The potential was there. I did connect with a few really great women in that forum and I am grateful for their friendship. There are still a handful of interesting women left who participate on and off. For the sake of the site, I hope it's just going through a phase.

Either old habits die hard, or else I'm a glutton for punishment, so I still read, and I even post there occasionally, when I just cannot control my fingers. But, I have to face the truth, and accept that it's not for me. I regret the loss, and I know I have to grieve for that loss, strange as it sounds.

~~~~~~~

As I moved away from that site, looking for something different, I discovered the online journaling community through a link at Salon magazine. After reading online journals for a while, I made my own.